I'll take responsibility here. I'll be the only person in this administration who's willing to take responsibility for anything.

Henry Kissinger

You know friend, this is a god damn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.

Jack Twist

I may go back to hating you. It was more fun.

Roger Thornhill

Mr. Rawlins... this morning, I... it would be a great help to me if I could talk to you from time to time about the men. That's all.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw

Can anyone direct me to the Smithsonian? I'm looking for an old fossil...

Natasha Romanoff

[to Tallahasse] Are you some type of cock blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab?

Columbus

Well, uh, with a binding like you've got, people are going to want to know what's in the book.

Jerry Mulligan

Chaucer: You're good. You're very good. My lords, my ladies, and everybody else here not sitting on a cushion!
[crowd roars]
Chaucer: Today... today, you find yourselves equals.
[crowd roars]
Chaucer: For you are all equally blessed. For I have the pride, the privilege, nay, the pleasure of introducing to you to a knight, sired by knights. A knight who can trace his lineage back beyond Charlemagne. I first met him atop a mountain near Jerusalem, praying to God, asking his forgiveness for the Saracen blood spilt by his sword. Next, he amazed me still further in Italy when he saved a fatherless beauty from the would-be ravishing of her dreadful Turkish uncle.
[crowd, boo]
Chaucer: In Greece he spent a year in silence just to better understand the sound of a whisper. And so without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you, the seeker of serenity, the protector of Italian virginity, the enforcer of our Lord God, the one, the only, Sir Ulllrrrich von Lichtenstein!
[crowd roars]
Chaucer: Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

They don't get it. I can be invisible too.

Edwin

Teacher: Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.
Jessica: That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.
Eden: [Everyone laugh as Eden chants] Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradumus!

Carl Peterson: The insurance adjuster recommended that we sue Dupree.
Molly Peterson: For a mooosehead?

Doves make you look bad-ass!

Jenko

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