Jim Stark: Now, would you like to rent or are you more in the mood to buy, dear?
Judy: You decide, darling. Remember, our budget.
Plato: Oh, don't give it a second thought, it's, uh, only 3 million dollars a month.
Jim Stark: What?
Judy: Oh, we can afford it. I'll scrimp and I'll save and I'll work my fingers to the bone. You see, we're newlyweds... oh, there's just one more thing... what about...
Plato: Children?
Judy: Yes.
Plato: Right this way, mind you, though, we don't encourage them. They're such a bother.
Judy: Oh I quite agree, I just can't stand it when they cry. What do you do with them when they cry?
Jim Stark: [Magoo voice] Drown 'em like puppies, ha!

Joan Baxter: Maybe God didn't mean a flood in the literal sense. Maybe he meant a flood of... awareness.
Evan Baxter: If that's true... I'm going to be so pissed.

[Comes in to the party with the bruise on his face]
Nick: Ronny
Beth: What happened to your face.
Ronny: Oh I just had this bar fight.
Nick: Bar Fight
Ronny: I got this place called Zips, Zips bar and grill.
Ronny: It is a place where liers and scumbags and all kind of weird stuff like a blow up of marriage hang out.

Ramses: Who has been telling you this?
Moses: God.

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Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

Chas

Morty: [standing at Ted's, Michael's dad's, grave] He was a good man. I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't want to take him.
Michael Newman: What?
Morty: Michael, I'm an angel.
Michael Newman: I thought angels were supposed to protect people.
Morty: I'm the Angel of Death.

Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?
John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.
Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.
John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.
Claire Standish: You're a big coward.
Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.
Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.
John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?
Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.
John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.
Andrew Clark: Hey. Let's watch the mouth, huh?
Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.

My father was an excellent swordsman, monsieur. He taught me well. Now hand me that key or I swear on his grave I will slit you from navel to nose.

Danielle

[breaks up a fight] Hey! You're white, you're white! You don't fight!

Ben

You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!

Carolyn Burnham

If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

Toula Portokalos

Can you please find somebody else to be creepy with?

Jane

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