[to his pet chimpanzee] I've had it with all this crap! All you care about is fruit and touching yourself. Well, fuck you!

Dewey Cox

I've learned something from your idiotic notions, I confess that; humbly and gratefully.

Professor Henry Higgins

David Dunn: I've never been sick, I've never been injured... what do I do now?
Elijah Price: Go to where people are David ... you won't have to wait very long.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne!

Noah Vosen

Russell Ziskey: John, do you think I'm officer material?
John Winger: God, I'm worried about you.
Russell Ziskey: Come on! I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe.
John Winger: Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar... guarding a truck!
Russell Ziskey: We've got each other.

Join the IMF and see the world. On a screen. From a closet.

Benji Dunn

FBI Director Womack: Just clippers, no scissors.
Paul the Hotel Barber: No scissors, you've got to be kidding me, no scissors. I mean, did they tell Picasso "no brush"?
FBI Director Womack: With scissors, this man could kill you.
John Mason: I can't cut off anyone's balls with a trimmer, now can I? Why don't we do this outside? Get some sun.

Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?


Kids - 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery.


Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! [silence] No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...

Dr. Evil

Korben Dallas: Leeloo... how do we open these stones?
Leeloo: Wind blows... Fire Burns... Water Falls...

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