Andie: Our love fern! You let it die!
Ben: No, honey, it's just sleeping.
King Jaffe Joffer: Our son cannot consort with such a girl.
Cleo McDowell: Now wait a minute!
King Jaffe Joffer: I know you have been inconvenienced. I am prepared to compensate you. Shall we say one million American dollars?
Cleo McDowell: No way.
King Jaffe Joffer: Very well then. Two million.
Cleo McDowell: You don't have enough money to buy my daughter off.
King Jaffe Joffer: [laughing] Nonsense.
Queen Aoleon: Jaffe, apologize to Mr. McDowell.
King Jaffe Joffer: I will do no such thing. The man is beneath me and so is his daughter.
Cleo McDowell: I don't care who you are. This is America, Jack. Say another word about Lisa, and I'll break my foot off in your royal ass.
Capa: Our sun is dying. Mankind faces extinction. Seven years ago the Icarus project sent a mission to restart the sun but that mission was lost before it reached the star. Sixteen months ago, I, Robert Capa, and a crew of seven left earth frozen in a solar winter. Our payload a stellar bomb with a mass equivalent to Manhattan Island. Our purpose to create a star within a star.
Capa: Eight astronauts strapped to the back of a bomb. My bomb. Welcome to the Icarus Two.
Bill: Pai Mei taught you the five point palm-exploding heart technique?
The Bride: Of course he did.
Bill: Why didn't you tell me?
The Bride: I don't know... because I'm a bad person.
Bill: No. You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.
Courtney: Pass, ew! Good riddance!
Whitney: I don't believe in osmosis.
Adrian: Paulie, it's Thanksgiving. I got a turkey in the oven.
Paulie: Oh... a turkey in the oven.
[he takes the turkey out]
Paulie: You want the bird?
[he throws it out the door]
Paulie: Go in the alley and eat the bird!
Adrian: [disgusted] Oh Paulie!
Jamie: People can see.
Landon: And that would ruin your reputation how?
Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again. Sam, do you think there's someone out there you could love as much as your wife?
Sam Baldwin: Well, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone, that's hard to imagine.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: What are you going to do?
Sam Baldwin: Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?
Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.
Hamish: Personal escort of the princess.
William Wallace: Aye.
Hamish: Musta made an impression.
William Wallace: Aye.
Hamish: I didn't think you were in the tent that long.
Engineer: Is this a holdup?
Doc: It's a science experiment!
Narrator: [reading] I am Jack's colon.
Tyler Durden: I get cancer, I kill Jack.