Buddy: Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.
Carolyn: I'm a human... raised by humans.
Buddy: Cool.

[admiring his torture contraption] Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure by now you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting.

Count Rugen

Frodo: [after destroying the Ring] I can see the Shire. The Brandywine River. Bag End. The Lights in the Party Tree.
Sam: Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her hair. If ever I were to marry someone, it would have been her. It would have been her.
Frodo: [leans over and hugs him] I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things.

After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down.


[after noticing Monica at the dance] Damn, girl, I didn't know Nike made dresses.


Thorny: [after pulling car over] Do you know how fast you were going back there?
College Kid 1: Umm... 65?
Thorny: 63.
College Kid 1: But... isn't the speed limit 65?
Thorny: Yeah. It is.
College Kid 2: [stoned] I'm freakin' out, man!

Agent Romanov is comfortable with everything.

Nick Fury

Ah, biker. I'm such an idiot.


Ah! My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire! Spank my ass. Spank my ass!

Jonathan Carnahan

Gen. Yevgraf Zhivago: Tonya! Can you play the balalaika?
David: Can she play? She's an artist!
Gen. Yevgraf Zhivago: Who taught you?
David: Nobody taught her!
Gen. Yevgraf Zhivago: Ah... then it's a gift.

Larry: Ah yes, he was our fourth president, right?
Rebecca: Twenty-sixth

Erica Barry: Ahh!
Harry: [Seeing Erica] Oh!! Oh.
Erica Barry: No! STOP!
Harry: OH! OOH!
Erica Barry: [hides behind door] AAHH! STOP!
Harry: [covers his eyes] Oh, I'm sorry! Oh, God... am I sorry.
Harry: I'm sorry! I didn't see anything... Just your tits.

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