I picked a helluva day to quit drinkin'.

Russel Casse

A man can change his armor but not his heart.

Dejah Thoris

I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.

John Smith

Petroleum... I should stick a well down here and retire.

Indiana Jones

President Andrew Shepherd: I've known Bob Rumson for years, and I've been operating under the assumption that the reason Bob devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain was that he simply didn't get it. Well, I was wrong. Bob's problem isn't that he doesn't get it. Bob's problem is that he can't sell it! We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle-aged, middle-class, middle-income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family and American values and character. And wave an old photo of the President's girlfriend and you scream about patriotism and you tell them, she's to blame for their lot in life, and you go on television and you call her a whore. Sydney Ellen Wade has done nothing to you, Bob. She has done nothing but put herself through school, represent the interests of public school teachers, and lobby for the safety of our natural resources. You want a character debate, Bob? You better stick with me, 'cause Sydney Ellen Wade is way out of your league.

Carmen: We have gathered here today to celebrate a magical gift that has been given to us...
Tibby: then why'd we have to pay for it?

Cinna: No waving and smiling this time. I want you to look straight ahead as if the audience and this whole event are beneath you.
Katniss Everdeen: That should be easy.

Charles: Time.
Matthew: Honestly?
Charles: Yes! Time!
Matthew: It's about ten to nine.
Charles: Bastards.

I thought I could rely on your honor!

The Judge

Ted: Hey, you're home early!
Lori: What the hell is this?
Ted: They're hookers, so it's fine.

Mike: [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!

I went to sleepaway camp so long ago that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn't the Stone Age... it was the Ice Age! No, really, it was the Stone Age.

Alan Shemper

FREE Movie Newsletter