Leslie: How's Howie?
Wendy: Oh well, I wouldn't say my father's trying to bribe me, but he did offer me a Chrysler Lebaron convertible if I get engaged to Howie.
Jules: Have you fucked him yet?
Wendy: Jules!... God.
Jules: Listen... get the car, fuck him, and if you don't like him, break the engagement... And then you can still fuck him.

Howard Hughes: You're the tallest woman I have ever met.
Katharine Hepburn: And all sharp elbows and knees. Beware.

Even in my dreams, I'm an idiot who knows he's about to wake up to reality.

David

Sam Baldwin: What is "tiramisu"?
Jay: You'll find out.
Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?
Jay: You'll see!
Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!

Fuck the world.

John J. Rambo

Skylar: What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again till I got to meet your friends, what would you say?
Will: I'd say it's four-thirty in the morning, they're probably up.

[chains the Chimera] What are you waiting for? Burn me!

Perseus

Five years ago... A virus escaped, and everybody died.

Alice

Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN.
Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Jay: Yeah.

Bianca: [after Kat has told her that she went out with Joey] How is it possible that I did not know about this?
Kat Stratford: I warned him that if he told anyone, the cheerleading squad would find out how tiny his dick is!

Silence, village idiot!

Bobby

Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond shit never happens in real life! Professionals don't do that!

Paul Smecker

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