Warner Huntington III: How was your first class?
Elle: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie.

McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?

Officer Slater

Harry: What about birth control?
Erica Barry: Menopause.
Harry: [pauses] Who's the lucky boy?

[over the CB] All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.


[when approaching a slaughterhouse] What's that stench?


David: You're not blind. You're drinking Jack Daniels, and when you drink Jack, you start in with that... Frank Sinatra, she shot me down, give me a cigarette, "King of Sad" thing.
Brian: That I do. Give me a cigarette.

Agent 99: I think we should trust him chief.
Agent 23: Oh absolutely Chief, I'm with 99 on that one, everytime I look at Maxie's puppy eyes I'm a goner.
Agent 99: Oh my God, you've really never had anyone break up with you have you?

Po, you're alive... or we're both dead.


Han Solo: Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.
Princess Leia: That doesn't sound too hard.



I have HBO.

Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris

Virginia McCain: [talking to Jim Taylor] No, he's not here. I don't know where he is, he never tells me anything any more. Probably out having an affair somewhere.
[Buster walks in]
Virginia McCain: Oh, here he is.
[hands Buster phone]
Virginia McCain: It's Jim Taylor, he wants to know who you're having an affair with.

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