Police Captain: What do you think?
David Mills: I'm in.
Mark Swarr: It has to be both of you.
William Somerset: If he were to claim insanity, this conversation is admissible. The fact that he's blackmailing us with his plea...
Mark Swarr: And my client reminds you, two more are dead. The press would have a field day if they found out the police didn't seem too concerned about finding them... giving them a proper burial.
William Somerset: If there really are two more dead.

William Somerset: This guy's methodical, exacting, and worst of all, patient.
David Mills: He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!

Van Wilder: Well just take a look at this... ya... doodles... I attend class today just about stayed the whole time too!
Gwen: I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
Van Wilder: And a few that weren't mine, I stepped in the wrong room, liked what I heard... stayed.
Gwen: That's great!

Now, whose the bitch!

Erica

The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!

Kumar: Roldy! Roldy! dude, you gotta come quick. There is these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us!
[silence]
Kumar: I mean... duh... that there are these two lovely young pussies who would like to have a chat with you and I.

Lelaina: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy Dyer: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that.

Why the clouds, Sunshine?

Petey Jones

Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!

Fat Amy

Where are we going?

Christopher

Merrill: Morgan, this crop stuff is just about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend their whole lives. They're like 30 now. They make up secret codes and analyze Greek mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Nerds were doin' it 25 years ago and new nerds are doing it again.
Graham Hess: Its just static, Morgan. Frequency.
Morgan: It's a code.
Bo: Why can't they get girlfriends?

Julian Mercer: You really are a very sexy woman.
Erica Barry: No, really, I swear to God, I'm NOT!

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