Brandi: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?
Brodie: I already did once today.
[clicks his finger at Renee]
Brodie: But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, *Snap* the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man. There's just some things you don't talk about in public.

I just can't see God putting a gift like that in the hands of a man who would kill a child.

Paul Edgecomb

Michael Bolton: You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing?
Peter Gibbons: Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.

I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!

Elle

This guy could fuck up a cup of coffee.

Nicky Santoro

You know what? You don't deserve my money, you homophobic asshole.

Rayon

I like her very much

Dobby the House Elf

Train Conductor: The train service has been discountinued. This will be the last stop for all passengers.
Elliot Moore: Hey, what do you mean? Where are we?
Train Conductor: Filbert, Pennsylvania.
Elliot Moore: Filbert? Does anybody know where that is? Why are you giving me one useless piece of information at a time? What's going on? Hey, why would you just stop? You can't just leave us here!
Train Conductor: Sir, we lost contact.
Elliot Moore: With whom?
Train Conductor: Everyone.

Time is running out here, Nick.

Lydia Mercer

I am gonna get me some rat!

Brooks

Operation Santa Claus is coming to town!

Steve Claus

Parker: Uh, before we dock, I think we oughta discuss the bonus situation.
Brett: Right.
Parker: Brett and I, we think we oughta - we deserve full shares, right baby?
Brett: Right. You see, Mr. Parker and I feel that the bonus situation has never been on a-an equitable level.
Dallas: Well, you get what you're contracted for like everybody else.
Brett: Yes, but everybody else, uh, gets more than us.

FREE Movie Newsletter