Shrek: Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess.
Shrek: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: How do you know that?
Shrek: I read it in a book once.
You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.Samantha
They probably sit around on the floor with wine and cheese, and mispronounce allegorical and didacticism.Isaac Davis
Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
Peter Venkman: I am a fraud!
Has anyone ever told you that you overplay your various roles rather severely, Mr. Kaplan?Phillip Vandamm
Goddamn, you play a mean banjo.Drew
[from trailer] I'll never get out of Papa's shadow!George W. Bush
Fail me and you get me next semester.Patrick
Landon: What are you doing here?
Jamie: I could ask you the same question.
Landon: Do you normally walk alone in cemeteries at night?
We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.Tyler Durden
You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.Smokey
Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
Gary: No, dickhead - sex.