Sergeant Horvath: Maybe I should go up the middle, sir.
Captain Miller: The way you run? I don't think so.
Sergeant Horvath: Maybe I should go up the left, sir.
Captain Miller: Maybe you should shut up!

Kathryn: The parental units called while you were out.
Sebastian: How IS your gold-digging, whore of a mother enjoying Bali?
Kathryn: She suspects your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid.
Sebastian: Good.

Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She's perfect for me. I wanted to say something funny, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Do tell... which ones? Why don't you tell the one that ends with me beating your ass?

Indiana: Balloq's medallion only had writing on one side? You sure about that?
Sallah: Positive!
Indiana: Balloq's staff is too long.
Indiana, Sallah: They're digging in the wrong place!

Luke: Hey Biggs, I told you I'd make it.
Biggs: It'll be like old times, they'll never stop us.

It doesn't matter what Lucy said. I stopped trusting her after she stole my poprocks in the third grade.

Matt

Are you kidding me? Look at all this crap! There's like a million wires in here. I'm more like a three wire guy

MacGruber

Is it true, are you a human?

Mavis

Is this something you'd like to share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?

Pee-wee

This part of my life is called "internship."

Christopher Gardner

Andy Stitzer: I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment.
David: There's some really great stuff in here. Really great movies in here, man. Hey, did you ever see School of Rock?
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
David: Well, this is... It's called School of... You know...
Andy Stitzer: That's nice.
David: But it stars Jack Black Cock.
Andy Stitzer: That makes sense.

Otho: What happened to the people who lived here?
Delia: Oh, they died. Hey, look, an indoor outhouse.

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