Mike McDermott: Would you stop fucking around, for five goddamn minutes for once in your fucking life?
Worm: Whoa, Jesus, what happened? My old man just walked in.

Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.

Greg Focker

Just once I'd like to wake up with more time on my hand than hours in the day.

Will

Memphis: Without disappointment you cannot appreciate victory.
Det. Roland Castlebeck: Did Eleanor tell you that?

Are you a pothead, Focker?

Jack Byrnes

Everybody: Hello. Do you know us? We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro Cerrano: So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.

Ellerby: [on Sullivan getting married] Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. It lets people know you're not a homo. A married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, they think, "At least somebody can stand the son of a bitch." Ladies see the ring, they know immediately that you must have some cash, and your cock must work.
Colin Sullivan: [laughs nervously] Yeah, it's workin'. Overtime!

The President of the United States has been shot.

Angie Jones

Other girls dream of working here. You merely deign.

Nigel

C.D. Bales: Do you know the phrase carpe diem?
Chris McConnell: It's, it's fish, fish bait, right?

Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.

Eddie Harris

A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.

Narrator

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