Alice Marshall: I'm 12 years old, dad. In caveman days I'd be having children of my own.
President James Marshall: That's what we call progress, young lady.

Harry: I just have one question: What's with the turtlenecks? I mean it's the middle of summer.
Erica: Well, I guess I'm just a turtleneck kind of gal.
Harry: You never get hot?
Erica: No.
Harry: Never?
Erica: Not lately.

[heading towards an ox] I need to bite its hide... and wear its stomach like a unitard.

Jeff Portnoy

This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture.

Terrence

I've known some pretty strange women in my time but this one, she's got the final word on strange.

The Spirit

Ya know, sometimes I wished people was like dogs, Luke.

Arletta

Our daughters are being traded like cattle for the advancement of men.

Lady Elizabeth

Manny: Why is it called the "Gorge of Death"?
Buck: We tried calling it "The Big Smelly Crack" but people kept giggling.

Rufus: Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?
Rufus: Well, perhaps we could ask them.

If I were your wedding, I'd be sleeping with one eye open...

Liv

Julia: "Let's have sex on top of her! Let's use her like a bed!"
Dale: "That's crossing the line!!!"

If you see me comin' you better run cause I'm gonna lay you the fuck down!

Detective Remy Bressant

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