Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa , I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal .
Barbossa: There are a lot of long words in there, Miss; we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?
Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.
Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no."

Bob Lee Swagger: Where are we meeting?
Colonel Isaac Johnson: Somewhere where I can see you coming from a god damned long way off.

For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!

Max Bialystock

Nicky: I cannot believe you lied to me.
Jess: You can't believe I lied?
Nicky: I can't believe it.
Jess: Oh, that's so rich from you.
Nicky: That's what you want to say to me?
Jess: Yeah, cause you're always lying, Nicky, and now we're dead.

Derek Vinyard: Is he strapped?
Danny Vinyard: Huh?
Derek Vinyard: Does he have a fucking gun Danny?
Danny Vinyard: Man I don't fuckin' know.

Jack Sparrow: You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?
Will Turner: I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.

Come on. We're men, we're not pinatas!

Roy O'Bannon

You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," then he puts the mike down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a fuckin' blow job and a cup of coffee."
So the stewardess fuckin' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey hon, don't forget the coffee!"


Horse shit!


Jack's Father: Who are you?
Spider-Man: Spider-Man.

With one word, my name went from an elegant French swimming pool to a stinking Indian latrine - I was pissing everywhere.

Adult Pi Patel

Thank you Clitoris!


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