Calvin Candie: White cake? Dr. King Schultz: I don't go in for sweets, thank you.
Calvin Candie: Are you brooding 'bout me getting the best of ya, huh?
Dr. King Schultz: Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D'Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.
Calvin Candie: Come again?
Dr. King Schultz: Alexander Dumas. He wrote "The Three Musketeers." I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel's lead character. If Alexander Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?
Calvin Candie: You doubt he'd approve?
Dr. King Schultz: Yes. His approval would be a dubious proposition at best.
Calvin Candie: Soft-hearted Frenchy?
Dr. King Schultz: Alexander Dumas is black.

Melanie Carmichael: [of Bryant the dog] Can he swim?
Jake: Doesn't look like it.

[to Professor Snape] For in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let him swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud.

Dumbledore

Will: Four minutes for a cup of coffee?
Will's Friend: Yesterday it was three!
Coffee worker: You want coffee or you want to reminisce?

[Josh and Billy hand her Josh's pay check of $187.30]
Bank Teller: How would you like that?
Josh: [after he and Billy discuss it] Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.

Duke: How's it hangin' Harry?
Harry: I keep trying to die, but they won't let me.
Duke: Well, you can't have everything.

Michael Bolton: I don't know what happened, I must have missed a decimal point or something...
Peter Gibbons: Well, corporate accounts is sure as hell gonna notice $305,326.13 Michael!

[singing] I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and gay!

Maria

Kenny: I love horses.
Cop: I love horses.
Kenny: I love Butterstuff.
Cop: Buttercup!
Kenny: Butternuts!
Cop: BUTTERCUP!
Kenny: Cup!

"I strenuously object?" Is that how it works? Hm? "Objection." "Overruled." "Oh, no, no, no. No, I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh. Well, if you strenuously object then I should take some time to reconsider."

Lt. Weinberg

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

King Leonidas: My heart is broken for your loss.
Captain: Heart? I have filled my heart with hate.
King Leonidas: Good.

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