You're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dog shit. Every single fucking thing about you is ugly.

Marcus

[after his wife checks his crotch for a weapon] That's all John, sweetheart.

John Smith

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Police Chief Grady

Gang Bang Guy: Hello.
Mitch: Yeah?
Gang Bang Guy: I'm here for the gangbang...

Kenny: I love horses.
Cop: I love horses.
Kenny: I love Butterstuff.
Cop: Buttercup!
Kenny: Butternuts!
Cop: BUTTERCUP!
Kenny: Cup!

I should've never married Sam. He's a Gemini. Triple Gemini! Gemini's a snake. You can't trust the snake.

Ginger

Prince Humperdinck: I think your bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.

If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla.

Narrator

I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!

Ace

I'm Agent Johnson, this is Special Agent Johnson. No relation.

FBI Agent Johnson

I've been in love with you since I was eleven, and the shit won't go away.

Monica

Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!

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