Well, I... damn. Medical guys. I had a feeling when they started doing all the blood tests that I... I mean, I know it's their asses if I get sick up there but I mean JESUS!

Ken Mattingly

Ray Kinsella: It was you...
Shoeless Joe Jackson: No, Ray. It was YOU.

From here on out, you do as I say, exactly as I say. Or I slap this bitch on "Nightline" and call it a day, okay?


What do you mean by that? Why do you guys hate me? Can we cook up some sausages? Ohh I have wasps in my brain!

Ruth Buggs

Ahh! Ahh! I'm innocent! It was Duke! It was Duke!
[inaudible screaming, grunting] Ahh! Ahh! Don't put that thing on me! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Dr. Gonzo

They took me off into a separate room; I seen 'em takin' different people off; different ones of us off in separate rooms and put me on a big white table and uh the guy that took me in there - to examine me I guess - he probed me and then I was in there I bet more than three or four hours, in that room, being probed and at one time or another these different ones of 'em came in, four or five or six of 'em at different times, and all of 'em probed me, uh, not all at once, you know, individually. Later on, years later, now, even still, uh, it's a funny thing - it happened on a Sunday and every Sunday about the time I was taken on board that ship I - find I have no feelings in my buttocks.

UFO Abductee

Frank: A good cop - needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums.
Ed: No way for a man to die.
Frank: No... you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.
Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh... Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don't you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He's right, Wilma. But I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I'm trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense...
[Wilma cries again]

Dante Hicks: I thought I told you not to be dealing in front of the store.
Jay: I ain't dealin', man, what you talkin' about?
Willam Black: Hey, man, you got anything?
Jay: Yeah, man, what you want?

Colonel Sandurz: Prepair ship for light speed.
Dark Helmet: No, no, no. Light speed is too slow.
Colonel Sandurz: Light speed is too slow?
Dark Helmet: Yes. We're gonna have go right to... ludicrous speed.

Bud White: Well, Captain, what do you want?
Captain Dudley Smith: Call me Dudley.
Bud White: Dudley... what do you want?

Do, do you have to keep bringing that up, huh? Ok, so it was a good thing we did a test because it wasn't going to be just a quick snap. Would've broken my neck, or leg or my back. Would've bled to death on the beach, but it's in the past. It was what, a year ago? SO let's just forget it.

Chuck Noland

Colin Sullivan: Do you know what will happen if you shoot me?
Billy Costigan: Yeah, this bullet will go right through your fucking head!

FREE Movie Newsletter