[after his wound is cleaned] That'll wake you up in the mornin'.Campbell
Home again, home again, jiggidy-jig! Gooood Evening, J.F!Bear, Kaiser
[Jim is watching porn]
Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing here in the boy's locker room?
Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game.
Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. So, uh, whatya reading?
Adult Video Actor: Oh, I'm just reviewing my playbook.
Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end.
"Brothers don't shake. Brothers gotta HUG!!"Tommy
Mr. Allen, Master: Sir, might we press you for an anecdote?
Capt. Jack Aubrey: The first time he spoke to me... I shall never forget his words. I remember it like it was yesterday. He leaned across the table, he looked me straight in the eye, and he said "Aubrey... may I trouble you for the salt?"
Eve Kendall: [Hanging by their fingers from Mount Rushmore] What happened with your first two marriages?
Roger Thornhill: My wives divorced me.
Eve Kendall: Why?
Roger Thornhill: They said I led too dull a life.
McGivern: If I don't get total tit tonight, I will be using this razor to cut my throat. As I see it, sex is my only reason for living.
Charlie Dillon: Then be careful you don't cut your hand.
MacGruber: You're loco, man! Subtitles: "You're crazy, man!"
[to Otis] Do you know why the number two hundred is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It's your weight and my I.Q.Lex Luthor
Miss Piggy: Ich bin ein Berliner!
Dr. Teeth: More like 'I'm Frankfurter'!
Ned Flanders: Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful...
Ned Flanders: [screams]
Ned Flanders: PENIS!
Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: [devoutly] ... bountiful penis.
Todd Flanders: Amen.
Tai Lung: The Wuxi finger hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold?
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that.
Po: Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!