Caine: Your Majesty, I have more in common with a dog than I have with you.
Jupiter Jones: I love dogs, I've always loved dogs.
[narrating] The Umbrella Corporation feel safe, they feel secure. They're wrong.Alice
Donny: Hello, and welcome to "TV Car Trivia!" First question, who was the driver of a '73 Firebird? Uh, Otto?
Otto Halliwell: Uh, Jim Rockford, "Rockford Files".
Sara "Sway" Wayland: Gimme "Columbo".
Kip: A Peugeot convertible.
Donny: What color?
Mirror Man: How do you know that?
Kip: 'Cause I love that show.
Mirror Man: Man, I got three words for all of y'all: Get a life!
She was very badly raped, you see! We were assaulted by a gang of vicious, young, hoodlums in this house! In this very room you are sitting in now! I was left a helpless cripple, but for her the agony was too great! The doctor said it was pneumonia; because it happened some months later! During a flu epidemic! The doctors told me it was pneumonia, but I knew what it was! A VICTIM OF THE MODERN AGE! Poor, poor girl!Frank Alexander
Larry: Did you do it here?
Larry: Why not?
Anna: Do you wish we did?
Larry: Just tell me the truth.
Anna: Yes, we did it here.
Anna: [points] There.
Larry: On this? We had our first fuck on this. Did you think of me?
Lester Bangs: You like Lou Reed?
William Miller: The early stuff. In his new stuff he's trying to be Bowie, but he should just be himself.
Terry Fields: Pardon me, sir, but I lost my I.D. in... in a flood and I'd like to get some Old Harper, hard stuff. Would you mind buying a bottle for me?
Bum at Liquor Store: Why certainly! I lost my wife, too - her name wasn't Idy, though, and it wasn't in a flood - but I know what ya...
Terry Fields: Thanks, here's enough for a pint.
Holden: Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse shit! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know, and he got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?
Hooper: Who said that?
Holden: I did! Lando Calrissian is a strong role model in the realm of science fiction and fantasy.
Hooper: Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom nigger!
Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I... I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.Papa Elf
Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne Campbell: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beetles.
Wayne Campbell: Shitty Beetles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne Campbell: Then it's not just a clever name.
Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away...
Sir Robin: *No!*
Minstrel: [singing] bravely ran away away...
Sir Robin: *I didn't!*
Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Sir Robin: *I never did!*
Minstrel: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.
Sir Robin: *Oh, you liars!*
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.
Mike Dexter: Who's gonna want you now?
Amanda Becket: [Looking at letter] Somebody.
Mike Dexter: Somebody? More like... nobody!
Amanda Becket: Gosh, Mike. You really got me.