The Chad... is stuck.


Ever since this masquerade bash, it's like I'm the Anti-Midas, and everything I touch turns to crap.

Ashley Albright

Pardon my French!

Earl Bassett

Dean Vernon Wormer: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation!
Otter: What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I didn't get that, son, what was that?
Otter: Uh, I said, "What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules."
Dean Vernon Wormer: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.

When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are gone/something good inside me/helps me to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I used my hand to wipe my tears/to kiss your mouth/I break my vows/no no no no no no way Jose/unless you want to/then we break our vows together


Bob Wilton: So what you're saying is that... you, are a uh... psychic spy?
Lyn Cassady: A Jedi warrior.

Moe: [After a nun is hit with a giant church bell falling off a roof] Do you know that nun?
Curly: No, but the face rings a bell.

What New York really is, is it's an island, with lots of people, lots of different people... I hope to maybe meet some guys, some Italian guys, and maybe watch some TV.

Libby Mae Brown

It's okay, honey. I... I was just talking to the cornfield.

Ray Kinsella

Zack: I hate Rosie O'Donnell. But if someone said 'I have a tape of Rosie getting fucked stupid,' I'd be like: 'Why the fuck aren't we watching that right now?'

Veruca Salt: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy!
Mr. Salt: I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.
Veruca Salt: All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time!
Veruca Salt: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?
Mr. Salt: For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!
Veruca Salt: Make them work nights!

Osgood: You know, I've always been *fascinated* by show business.
Daphne: Is that so?
Osgood: Yes. As a matter of fact it's cost my family quite a bit of money.
Daphne: Oh, you invest in shows?
Osgood: Showgirls. I've been married seven or eight times.
Daphne: You're not sure?
Osgood: Mama is keeping score.

FREE Movie Newsletter