If it bleeds, we can kill it.

Dutch

You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young boys I taught to believe in the Ten Commandments have come back to me as two thieves. With filthy mouths. And bad attitudes. Get out... And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves...

Sister Mary Stigmata

Clara Thornhill: Roger, I think we should go.
Roger Thornhill: Don't be nervous.
Clara Thornhill: I'm not nervous, I'll be late for the bridge club.

[after watching the school play] I thought Tommy Tammisimo sucked big time.

Malcolm Crowe

Thorny: Where are your shoes?
Foster: What are you, the shoe police now?
Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.
Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.
Thorny: That's brown magic.

Pay attention, we're gonna ask questions later!

Buddy "Cloudy" Russo

Bill: Hey Ted. Don't fear the reaper.
[air guitar]
Grim Reaper: I heard that!

Officer Caroline: Merrill... how's work at the gas station?
Merrill: Stimulating.

Chev Chelios: [lowers gun] Congratulations.
Don Kim: Did I win something?
Chev Chelios: Your life, jackass.

[on condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...

Jim's Dad

EV-9D9: Splendid! We have been without an interpreter since our master got angry with our last protocol droid and disintegrated him.
C-3PO: Disintegrated?

Drunk Guy in Yugo: Are you off duty?
Nick: This isn't a cab.
Drunk Guy in Yugo: Are you off duty?
Nick: It's not a cab, my friend, I promise you.

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