Madeliene White: Don't take this personally, but I don't think you can afford me.
Keith Frazier: Don't take this personally, Miss White, but kiss my black ass.
Soldier: There he is: War Horse.
Brody: [Drunk] I'm tellin' ya, the crime rate in New York'll kill you. There's so many problems, you never feel like you're accomplishing anything. Violence, rip-offs, muggings... kids can't leave the house - you gotta walk them to school. But in Amity one man can make a difference. In twenty-five years, there's never been a shooting or a murder in this town.
Hooper: Fascinating. Want a pretzel?
Brody: Where are we?
Jake Oleson: I saw them feeding on Grandma Helen. I saw their teeth. They're like, vampires, you know?
Stella Oleson: Vampires don't exist, Jake.
I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?Uncle Ben
[at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand] I had no choice. She bet me 50 dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.Jake Taylor
Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!Happy Gilmore
Plus I'll probably have to give my parents less money. It'll kill my father. He's not gonna be able to get as good a seat in the synagogue. He'll be in the back, away from God, far from the action.Isaac Davis
Nathan Arizona Sr.: If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a- hoppin'. Look, it is exactly 8:45 in the PM. I'll be down at that store in exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt. Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona!
Woody: I have no choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
Buzz Lightyear: To do what? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.
You need to have a little faith, Tibby. Not everyone you love is going to leave you.Brian McBrian