Let's start this fake college. Then, we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.

Sherman Schrader

[Hal is going to make his move on some unattractive girls]
Hal: I'm going for the one in the middle. You can have your pick of the other two.
Mauricio: So you get the hyena, and I have to choose between the hippo and the giraffe?

Jules: I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.
Wendy: That doesn't leave much.

You're worried about the Ayatollah? Try the WGA.

Lester Siegel

[one of Alex's muffins is embedded in the door]
Bosley: What do you call this?
Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.
Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags.

Karen: Why are you dressed so scary?
Cady: It's Halloween.

You are in my little pond now, and I am the big fish that runs it.

Carmine Lorenzo

Buddy: Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.
Carolyn: I'm a human... raised by humans.
Buddy: Cool.

If they can dye the river green today, why can't they dye it blue the other 364 days of the year?

Marshal Biggs

Judith: I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.
Wayne: I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power drill.
J.D.: It's true!

Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world and in here is the dream

Jake Sully

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ehem... My Lord, I'd like to volunteer myself for this task.
Lord Voldemort: I must be the one to kill Harry Potter.

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