Drillbit Taylor: I'm Drillbit Taylor... US Army ranger, black-ops operative, decorated marksman, improvised weapons expert.
Wade: Are you still in the military?
Drillbit Taylor: I was discharged - unauthorized heroism.

Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.

[upon seeing that he was photographed murdering two people]
Mr. Earl Brooks: You see that, Marshall? That's why I didn't want to do the dance couple.
Marshall: Stop your fucking whining, Earl. You enjoyed doing that couple just as much as I did, and look at the bright side - he came to us. He didn't go to the cops. If he tries to shake us down, we kill him. Period. We make it fun, but we kill him! End of story.

Harry: I've never seen a woman her age naked before.
Julian Mercer: You're kidding.
Harry: Hey! We're not all doctors, baby.

Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

Mike McDermott

Albert Nimzicki: I'm not Jewish.
Julius Levinson: Well, nobody's perfect.

The tricky thing about adamantium is, that if you ever manage to process its raw, liquid form, you got to keep it that way, keep it hot. Because once the metal cools, it's indestructible. But you already know that.

William Stryker

We will try to welcome her back in, like a *civilized* family might.

Kelly Stone

Tafas: [talking of Britain] Is that a desert country? T.E. Lawrence: No Tafas: You are not fat? T.E. Lawrence: No. I'm different.

Everybody loses the thing that made them. It's even how it's supposed to be in nature. The brave men stay and watch it happen, they don't run.

Hushpuppy

God help us all.

Edward Blake

Andie: True or False: All's fair in love and war.
Ben: True.
Andie: Great answer.
Ben: Good question!

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