Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Police Chief Grady

The last thing I need is another picture of me looking like a porcelain doll.

Rose

We just put Sir Isaac Newton in the driver's seat.

Jim Lovell

Jake La Motta: Is it done?
Irma: No, it's not done.
Jake La Motta: Don't overcook it. You overcook it, it's no good. It defeats its own purpose.
[Irma gives Jake a stern but nasty look]
Jake La Motta: What are you doin'? I just said don't overcook it. You're overcookin' it, bring it over.
Irma: You want your steak?
Jake La Motta: Bring it over. Bring it over! It's like a piece of charcoal! Bring it over here!
Irma: You want your steak?
Jake La Motta: YEAH, RIGHT NOW!
[Irma stabs the steak, exits the stove and slams the steak on his plate. She hastily pours carrots on the plate]
Irma: Okay. There's your stupid steak. Can't wait for it to be done?
Jake La Motta: No, I can't wait.
Irma: Good! Okay? Happy? Happy?
Jake La Motta: That's all I want. That's all I want!
Irma: That's... there! No, more! There!
[Jake routinely flips the table, spilling the contents all over the floor]
Jake La Motta: Bodder me abott a steak? Huh?
Irma: That's GREAT!
Jake La Motta: YOU BODDA ME ABOTT A STEAK?
Irma: YEAH!

I got some bootie! I got some bootie! It was good, too.

Thurgood Jenkins

I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland.

Columbus

You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.

Wheeler

Capt. Bart Mancuso: All back full.
Lt. Cmdr. Thompson: Captain...
Capt. Bart Mancuso: I said, all back full!
Lt. Cmdr. Thompson: Back full, aye.

Y'all are acting like a bunch of sissies! Quit it!

Sheryl Yoast

Hoover: Kent is a legacy, Otter. His brother was a '59, Fred Dorfman.
Flounder: He said legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically.
Otter: Oh, well, usually. Unless the pledge in question turns out to be a real closet-case.
Otter, Boon: Like Fred.

Natalie: Terrence started seeing my dad after his mom died. She left him everything. He was 41 when I was 13. He told me I was pretty. And he made me believe it. One day, he broke my collar bone, and I had to hitch-hike to the emergency room, and I passed out on the side of the road, and somebody found me. My dad told him that he'd press charges and that he'd go to jail unless he donated money to my college fund. Then he did. $75, 000.
Augusten Burroughs: That's so great. So if you'd just apply--
Natalie: My dad spent it. Every penny. So that the IRS wouldn't take this house. So... I do know what it's like, Augusten... to love somebody who doesn't deserve it. 'Cause they're all you have. God, I hate my life.
Augusten Burroughs: I hate this kitchen. I need high ceilings.
Natalie: Me too.
Augusten Burroughs: Let's get rid of it then. Let's take down the ceiling.

Tracy Abernathy: I swore 37 times in the last month. I said the 'f-word' a couple of times, but it was mostly 'shit's and 'bastard's. Is 'douche bag' a curse?
Graham Hess: I suppose it would depend on its usage.
Tracy Abernathy: How about "John you're a douche bag for kissing Barbara"?
Graham Hess: It's a curse.
Tracy Abernathy: Oh, well then it's not 37 times it's 71 times.

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