The good news is, my dick is now a popsicle!

Nicky

Indiana Jones: Where'd they go? Into space?
Professor 'Ox' Oxley: Not into space... into the space between spaces.

Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Mary: No?
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.

Cammi: And here are your handy wipes.
Jack: Oh, so that's what these are. For a minute there I thought you guys were promoting safe sex.

Pilot: I'd tell you to fasten your seatbelts, but it was too cheap to buy any! Ha ha ha!
Rick O'Connell: Ha ha ha! Why am I laughing?

This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.

Andrew Largeman

Henry! What a disagreeable surprise.

Mrs. Higgins

Roland Tembo: Peter, if you want me to run your little camping trip, there are two conditions: first, I'm in charge, and when I'm not around, Dieter is. All you have to do is sign the checks, tell us we're doing a good job, and open your case of scotch when we have a good day. Second condition: my fee? You can keep it. All I want in return for my services is the right to hunt one of the tyrannosaurs. A male, a buck only. How and when is my business. Now if you don't like either of those conditions, you're on your own. So go ahead, set up base camp right here, or in a swamp, or in the middle of a Rex nest for all I care. But I've been on too many safaris with rich dentists to listen to any more suicidal ideas, OK?

Aaron: Let me get this straight: our dad was "bromantically" involved with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?

Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.

Tommy DeVito

Sarah: What is it?
Meg: It's bad!

[cutting between Indiana and Willie's rooms]
Indiana Jones: "Palace slave"...
Willie: "Nocturnal activities"...
Indiana Jones: A conceited ape?
Willie: "I'll tell you in the morning" ...
Indiana Jones: I can't believe this.
Willie: He's not coming.
Indiana Jones: She's not coming.

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