You were the one who made mom leave! You were screwing up all the time!


[to his team taking laps] If you all didn't jack off too much, maybe you'd stay in shape.

Coach Popper

Look, can we start over? Second chance, second date? You as you, me as me. No secrets. What do you think?


Andy. Have you ever heard of the term... 'Fuck Buddy?'


Danny: Pick us up in two hours.
Ronnie: Fuck you, Miss Daisy.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need to find a baby for this father.
Steve Zissou: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Frankie Ballenbacher: You want a cigarette?
Zack Mazursky: No, I don't smoke.
Frankie Ballenbacher: Fuck that. It's good for you.

Not you, fat Jesus.

Officer Franklin

Oh my God! That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my life! Can you tell it again, do you have time?


Yo, that shit must be good, B. My boy hasn't coughed like that since back in the day yo!


Captain America: It's grass.
George Hanson: [Seeing his first marijuana cigarette] Lord have mercy! Is that what that is?

Bryan: I have a daughter who wants to be a singer. I was wondering if you have any tips for her.
Diva: Yeah, I do. Tell her pick another career.

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