Dawn Campbell: Why don't you like my spots?
Marty: Honey, this look is hurting you, and it's hurting Huckabees.
Dawn Campbell: This is myself.
Marty: Then you won't speak at the benefit as yourself. That is not Huckabees.
Dawn Campbell: I am still Huckabees.
Marty: Not in that bonnet.
Dawn Campbell: It's in my eyes, Marty. It's like that story of the cave.
Marty: What in God's name is happening to you? We trusted you. We took care of you. We made you into a national icon. Pulled you out of a mall. Eh, you've been given everything by Huckabees.
Dawn Campbell: Fuck-a-bees!

Doesn't it bother you that there are two cop killers out there?

Captain James Biggs

Doinel, if your paper is first today, it's because I've decided to give the results beginning with the worst.

Petite Feuille

Beau Hutton: [they're riding on a train] So, what do you think?
Kelly Canter: I think I'm Kelly Canter and I'm breaking the law!

You know what I like most about Las Vegas? You can be whoever you want to be.

Jill Taylor

Rick Ford: We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb. They send in someone who looks like Santa Claus' fucking wife!
Susan Cooper: Uh, did you forget? I am undercover because you are not supposed to be here!
Rick Ford: Welln I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do!

Big Dan Teague: Thank you boys for throwin' in that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetite, and even with lunch under my belt, I was feelin' a mite peckish.
Ulysses Everett McGill: It's our pleasure, Big Dan.

Michael: Maybe he's some animal that wasn't supposed to live. Could be a monkey or an orangutan.
Elliot: A bald monkey?
Gertie: Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.

Charlie Fineman: Are you a faggot?.
Alan Johnson: Don't say faggot, you just don't call people faggot that's rude.
Charlie Fineman: To a gay guy it is, to you it's just a funny word like poundcake or pickle... You really need some Mel.
Charlie Fineman: [ordering tickets] Take one adult and one faggot.

Freddy Benson: I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that!
Inspector Andre: To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

Ted: So you're moving down to Miami?
Pat Healy: I accepted a job offer.
Ted: With who?
Pat Healy: With... uh... Rice-a-Roni.
Ted: Isn't that the San Francisco treat?
Pat Healy: It was. They're changing their image.

Good morning. Look at the sun.

Grandpa Joe

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