Andy Stitzer: Well, if you loved her so much, why did you cheat on her?
Jay: [sobbing violently] Because! Duh! I'm insecure! Can't you tell?

My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional and back...

Nash

Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...

Buddy

Larry: Dan...
Dan: Yes?
Larry: I lied to you, I did fuck Alice.

Jim Braddock: For two hundred and fifty dollars I would fight your wife!
Joe Gould: Now you're dreaming
Jim Braddock: ...and your grandmother, at the same time.
Joe Gould: Teeth in or teeth out?
Jim Braddock: Take 'em out!
Joe Gould: Then you're dead, you're down, you're gone, no chance!
Jim Braddock: Two hundred and fifty bucks?
Joe Gould: Two hundred and fifty bananas!
Jim Braddock: Joey!

Jason Nesmith: What? What was that?
Alexander Dane: Uh, nothing.
Jason Nesmith: I heard some squealing or something.
Gwen DeMarco: Oh, no. Everything's fine.
Teb: But the animal is inside out.
Jason Nesmith: I heard that! It turned inside out?
Teb: And it exploded.
Jason Nesmith: Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then is EXPLODED?

Charlie: So, how'd it go?
Terry: He up on the roof.
Charlie: The "pigeon"?
Terry: Uh, yeah, it worked.

Professor Henry Higgins: How poignant it will be on that inevitable night, when she shows up on my door in tears and rags! Miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite! Shall I take her in, or hurl her to the wolves? Give her kindness, or the treatment she deserves? Will I take her back, or THROW THE BAGGAGE OUT? Well, I'm a most forgiving man. The sort who never could, ever would, take a position and staunchly never budge. A "most" forgiving man... But, I shall NEVER take her back! If she were crawling on her KNEES! Let her promise to atone, let her shiver, let her moan, I'll slam the door and let the hellcat FREEZE! Marry Freddy! HA!
[turns to unlock the door, but stops in despair]
Professor Henry Higgins: But I'm so used to hear her say, "Good morning" every day... Her joys, her woes, her highs, her lows, are second nature to me now, like breathing out and breathing in... I'm very grateful she's a woman, and so easy to forget! Rather like a habit one can always break... And yet... I've grown accustomed to the trace... of something in the air... Accustomed... to her... face.

[after his betrayal] Hey, am I wearing lipstick? I said, am I wearing lipstick? When I'm getting fucked I want to make sure my face looks pretty.

George

Schmidt: Listen, Mr. Walters, I should apologize…
Mr. Walters: For shooting my penis off? Don't sweat it. They gave me a vagina. Hey, guess what. I'm Eric's bitch!
Eric: No, you're not!
Mr. Walters: Yes, I am! You own this ass.

Warner Huntington III: Excuse me, I'm sorry... are you here to see me?
Elle: No, silly. I go here!

Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?

Foster

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