Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.

Carolyn Burnham: Your father seems to think this type of behavior is something to be proud of.
Lester Burnham: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.

Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.

I'll see you in a year or two if I don't get shot.

Duane Jackson

Matt Kowalski: So, what do you like about being up here?
Ryan Stone: The silence.

She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.

Dr. Lester

Jason Bourne: So...
Marie: What?
Jason Bourne: ...we got a bump coming up.
[drives the car down a flight of stairs]

God, I always said I would never bother you about baseball, lord knows you have bigger things to worry about. But if you could make this pain in my shoulder stop for ten minutes, I would really appreciate it.

Billy Chapel

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Have you met anyone recently who might loathe the very core of you?
Harold Crick: I just started auditing a woman who told me to get bent.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Well, that sounds like a comedy. Try to develop that.

Poor Doug misses his mum.

Danny Jones

I told her to write coats! Not commodes!

Hilly Holbrook

[after kissing Julian] Good. That's very good.

Erica Barry

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