Rotelli: What's with that stupid grin?
The Joker: Life's been good to me.

I swear to god if you cut my head off...


Don't eat the corn dogs.


Andrew Paxton: [on the phone with his mom on why he can't come home for the weekend] I know. I know. Tell Gammie I'm sorry. What do you want me to tell you, she's making me work late again. I've worked to hard for this and I'm sure that dad is pissed.
[seeing Margaret come towards him]
Andrew Paxton: But we take all our submissions very seriously and we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
Margaret Tate: Was that your family?
Andrew Paxton: Yes.
Margaret Tate: Tell you to quit?
Andrew Paxton: Every single day.

Because if I tell you [my name], you tell your friends... your friends are calling me on the horn all the time, And I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell.


China Girl: Why don't you just use this?
Finley: It's got a knife.

Mr. Robinson: Do you ummm... do you want to tell me *why* you did it
Benjamin: Mr. Robinson!
Mr. Robinson: Do you have a special grudge against me? Do you feel a particularly strong resentment? Is there something I've said that's caused this contempt, or is it just things I stand for that you despise?

Vance Wilder, Sr.: Where can I find Van Wilder?
Wasted Guy: In the Guinness Book of World-fucking-Records, man... under "Raddest Fucking Dude Alive"!
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Ok. Thanks.
Wasted Guy: In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.

Religion is obscurity.

Santosh Patel

Ed: Look, what is it that you require of us?
Mountain Man: What we, uh, "re-quire" is that you get your god-damn asses up in them woods.

Hennessey: I want you to drive for me.
Jensen Ames: [outraged] What makes you think I'll risk my life doing this for you?
Hennessey: [assuringly] I am offering you your freedom. All you have to do is walk off that track alive. And win, of course.

David Mills: Why us?
Mark Swarr: He says he admires you.

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