Ned Logan: Hell, Will. We ain't bad men no more. Shit, we're farmers.
Will Munny: Should be easy killing them, supposing they don't go on down to Texas first.
Ned Logan: How long has it been since you fired a gun at a man, Will? Nine, ten years?
Will Munny: Eleven.
Ned Logan: Easy, huh? Hell, I don't know that it was all that easy even back then. And we was young and full of beans. I mean, if you was mad at 'em, Will, I mean. If they'd done you some wrong, I could see shooting 'em.
Will Munny: We done stuff for money before, Ned.
Ned Logan: Yeah, we thought we did. All right, so what did these fellas do? Cheat at cards? Steal some strays? Spit on a rich fella? What?
Will Munny: No, they cut up a woman.
Ned Logan: What?
Will Munny: Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her tits, everything but her cunty, I suppose.
Ned Logan: I'll be dogg - Golly, I guess they got it comin'. 'Course, you know, Will, if Claudia was alive you wouldn't be doin' this.

Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?

Rhonda LeBeck

She was the Picasso of passive-aggressive karate.

Irving Rosenfeld

Don't laugh! There's nothin' funny goin' on here!

Derek Vinyard

Yeah, it worked, but they're about to cut the power.

Eben Olemaun

Rip Reed: Hey man. That's not yours.
"Pistol" Pete Deeks: [to Hollis] Put the fucking rabbit down!
Rip Reed: Appreciate it man, get your dick beaters off it.

The Shoveller: Doctor, you *are* a genius.
Dr. Heller: That's what the card says.

Edie Stall: My husband does not know you. He wouldn't know you, somebody like you.
Carl Fogaty: Oh, he knows Carl Fogarty all right. He knows me intimately. See? This isn't a completely dead eye, it still works a bit. The problem is, the only thing I can see with it is Joey Cusack, and it can see right through him, right through your husband, Edie, see what's inside him, what makes him tick. He's still the same guy, he's still crazy fucking Joey! And you know it, don't you?
Edie Stall: I know that my husband is Tom Stall, that's what I know.
Carl Fogaty: Yeah? Why don't you ask "Tom" about his older brother Ritchie? Ask "Tom" how he tried to rip my eye out with barbed wire, and ask him, Edie, how come he's so good at killing people.

Michelle: [holds up box of donuts] Want one?
Tommy: I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.

Rusty Griswold: Is that a real gun, Mom?
Ellen Griswold: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father... may be going away for a little while.

Sebastian: Ohh well, duty calls. Dr. Greenbaum and her daughter should make for interesting entry.
Kathryn: Ohh, your journal. Could you be more queer?
Sebastian: Could you be more desperate to read it?

Capt. Jack Aubrey: Do you want to see a guillotine in Piccadilly?
Crew: No!
Capt. Jack Aubrey: Want to call that raggedy-ass Napoleon your king?
Crew: No!
Capt. Jack Aubrey: You want your children to sing the "La Marseillaise?"
Crew: No!

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