Colonel Robert G. Shaw: So what do you want to do?
Trip: Don't know, sir.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: It stinks, I suppose.
Trip: Yeah, It stinks bad. And we all covered up in it too. Ain't nobody clean. Be nice to get clean, though.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: How do we do that?
Trip: We ante up and kick in, sir. But I still don't want to carry your flag.

Sol Robeson: This is insanity, Max.
Maximillian Cohen: Or maybe it's genius.

Tom Dobbs: NASA spent 30 Million dollars creating the pen that would write upside down in space. Did you know that? The Russians, how ever, were able to solve this problem with
[imitating]
Tom Dobbs: Five cent pencil! Writes right side up, writes up-side down. After five quarts of vodka, is still writing!

Dying is easy. Playing a lesbian is hard.

Mary Pat Hooligan

Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't catch it, just call me and we'll call somebody and have them take it away.
Gertie: Like the dog catcher?
Elliot: But they'll give it a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.

Senior Jerk Alert!

Mouth

God was showing off when he made you.

Rabbi Jake Schram

Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.
Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.
Jake: No... fucking... way.

Daisy: You are so much younger.
Benjamin Button: Only on the outside.

Squirrel Master: Back up Nasty Nate, this my bitch!
Nasty Nate: Better watch your back Fish! Squirrel Master ain't gonna be there for you all the time. Next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail... FRUIT!
Kenny: Here take it! I'm somebody's bitch!

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Princess Leia

Feng: "Ping pong or how the Chinese say: ping pong

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