You know, I think you ought to get him some help. He seems to be really hung up on super heroes' sex organs.

Stan Lee

You know you've reached rock bottom when you're told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup.

Charlie Wilson

What? Since when did tard become politically incorrect?


Colonel Brighton: He was the most extraordinary man I ever knew. Vicar at St. Paul's: Did you know him well? Colonel Brighton: I knew him. Vicar at St. Paul's: Well nil nisi bonum. But did he really deserve a place here?

[to a photo of his parents] Father, mother. I'm the youngest student they've ever admitted into medical school. It's a work scholarship. I think you would be pleased. Death duties on my uncle's estate has finally forced the sale of the château. Lady Murasaki will leave for Paris with me now that her residency is under threat. This work scholarship means I must spend much of my spare time preparing bodies for the anatomy class. My studies are fascinating and absorb me completely. Yet I still find myself thinking about my sister, and the men who took her.

Hannibal Lecter

Indiana Jones: How did Deidra take the news?
Dean Charles Stanforth: How does any wife take such things... a look on her face is a combination of pride and panic

Anna Riley: What's happening with Ruth and Ethan?
Father Brian Finn: Oh. Ethan married a Catholic girl and that did not go over well.
Anna Riley: That's why they're fighting?
Father Brian Finn: They're not fighting, they're not talking. Two years now no communicado.
Anna Riley: Are you serious?
Father Brian Finn: Yeah.
Anna Riley: What? Weren't they really close though?
Father Brian Finn: As close as Ruth and Jake.
Anna Riley: That explains a lot.
Father Brian Finn: You see why tonight was not just a date.

Kumar Patel: So, you like, smoke weed, then throw people in jail for smoking weed? That's so hypocritical, dude.
George W. Bush: Do you like to give hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Uh, no.
George W. Bush: Do you like to get hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Well, yeah!
George W. Bush: That makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too!

[falls off bike after attempting tricks] I meant to do that.


Kerim Bey: I've had a particularly fascinating life. Would you like to hear about it?
Kerim Bey: You would?

All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters.


Rachel Holloman: Do you think she can derail a train?
Jerry Shaw: She got hundreds of fire arms into my apartment, she added $750,000 to my bank account, she helped me escape from a high security holding in the FBI in a way I'm not even going to try to explain because it sounds so crazy, and she called the phone of a stranger sitting next to me on a bus, I'd never even seen the guy before in my life. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she can derail a train. She could turn a train into a talking duck if she wanted to.

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