Ned Freedman: You look like a douche.
Mike O'Donnell: I do not look like a douche.

Murray: What are you doing Derek? This is your family.
Derek Vinyard: Right, my family. My family so you know what? I don't give two shits about you or anybody else or what you think. You're not a part of it and you never will be.

Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Cornell, Switzerland... he was thrown out of a lot of colleges.

Bernstein

Royce: Who are you?
Noland: I'm the one you don't fuck with.

You know, I never told you this, but they based a movie on my family. Seriously. Titanic. They changed it a little. There's not boat, nothing sank. But I did pose naked for a portrait once.

Jeff

Edward Wilson: My orders came through. I'll be going overseas.
Clover Wilson: What are you going to do, Edward? Save the world?
Edward Wilson: I'll do what I can.

How do you say surrender in Chinese?

Detective James Carter

Walter Stratford: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey.
Bianca: What's a hot-rod?

Detective Rhonda Boney: Amy lost a lot of blood in there then somebody mopped it up.
Nick Dunne: Why'd they mop up the blood if they're trying to stage a crime scene?

The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

Ted: Your stepmom's cute.
Bill: Shut up Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!
Ted: Remember when I asked your mom to the prom?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!

[after blowing acid on to his better half] What's 'a matter, Kent? Too hot for ya'? Come on chicken! You've been on my nerves for a long time!

Evil Superman

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