I've got culture coming out of my ass.

Freddy Benson

Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.

Carolyn Burnham: Your father seems to think this type of behavior is something to be proud of.
Lester Burnham: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.

Maria: If Chino hurts him, if he touches him, I swear to you I'll...
Anita: You'll do what Tony did to Bernardo?
Maria: I love Tony.
Anita: I know. I loved Benardo.

Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake, but very puzzled.

Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.

I'll see you in a year or two if I don't get shot.

Duane Jackson

Matt Kowalski: So, what do you like about being up here?
Ryan Stone: The silence.

She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.

Dr. Lester

[giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!

Patches O'Houlihan

Bond: I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.
M: [Walks up behind Moneypenny]
Moneypenny: Don't ask.
M: Don't tell.

[to Mayans] You don't even know our names. You don't know any of our names. I'm Jeff. Jeff Dean McIntyre. Winnetka, Illinois. Twenty-two years old. I was going to be a doctor. That was my dream. That's all I wanted. You should know her name, too. Her name is Amy! She's not going to die in this fucking place!

Jeff

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