Hey man I can be your Doug!

Black Doug

Have you ever been struck by lightning? It hurts.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith

Sidney Prescott: You sick fucks. You've seen one too many movies!
Billy: Now Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative!

Francis Fratelli: Get the rope here. Slothy, Slothy, jumprope Slothy.
Jake Fratelli: What do you mean jump rope?
Francis FratelliJake Fratelli: Jumprope! Jumprope.
Francis FratelliJake Fratelli: Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies...
Sloth: [Sloth rips off his shirt revealing a T-Shirt with the Superman 'S' on the front] Sloth!
Jake Fratelli: We're in deep shit now, Francis.
Francis Fratelli: Oh, shit!

Caesar loves humans more than apes!


Domino: I'm glad I killed him.
James Bond: You're glad?

Emily: One time an assistant left the desk, because she, I don't know, sliced her hand open with a letter opener. Miranda missed Lagerfeld who had boarded a seventeen hour flight to Australia. She now works at TV Guide.
Andy Sachs: Man the desk at all times. Got it.

What do you call the three rings of marriage? Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.


Zeus: Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherfucker?
Simon: No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

Della Bea Robinson: If only your mama was here.
Ray Charles: She's here. She ain't never left.

Maybe if I can control it, I can use it.

Bruce Banner

We've been waiting here an hour. He's peed three times already.

Carl Showalter

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