Come back, you fat, bearded bitch!

Dark Helmet

Dr. Pichlow: I know she'll appreciate all you've gone through to find her. Let's call her.
Harry Dunne: It's ringing!
Lloyd Christmas: [Answering a pink phone] Whoever this is, we're in the middle of something very important here.
Harry Dunne: This is your dad.
Lloyd Christmas: What? Hey guys, I know this is weird timing but I gotta take this. It's my dead dad.
Harry Dunne: She's got me on hold.

I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.

Rob

Peter "Weps" Ince: Con, Weapons. Missiles will be ready to launch in 4 minutes.
Hunter: Listen Weps, listen Weps, don't do this. Don't do this Weps, once we launch, they can not come back, they can not come back Weps, and you know the repercussions if we're wrong, goddamit. Weps, if we fire now, we'll be firing when we're blind and crippled, you understand that?
Peter "Weps" Ince: Where the fuck are you?
Hunter: Do not remove the firing trigger! Do not open that safe Weps. We're counting you, it is up to YOU Weps. It is up to you. [Hangs up]
Peter "Weps" Ince: [to a petty officer] Mind your fucking panel!

Jimmy: So Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Chazz: We're going to skate to one song, and one song [sings] I'm gonna get you get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps. My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.
Jimmy: How do you even know what that means?
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
Jimmy: No it's not, it's...
Chazz: It gets the people GOING!

[in Peter's dream] Can you move a little to the left? Oooooh. Yeah, that's it, greeeeeeat.

Bill Lumbergh

Tommy: Richard, I'm gonna need your watch. I've got... a... plan.
Richard Hayden: Yikes.

Officer Slater: [talking to Fogell with Officer Michaels in the liquor store after a robbery] May we see your identification?
[Fogell uneasily hands over his fake I.D]
Officer Slater: McLovin?
[Fogell is really nervous]
Officer Slater: [pauses] That's a cool name, man.
Fogell: [amazed that his fake I.D. worked] Wha...
Officer Slater: Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I pulled arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck".
Officer Michaels: He was Vietnamese, so it was probably spelled with a "ph", I dunno.

Is it hot in here, or am I just scared to death?

John McClane

He made the shot dickhead. You bet him he couldn't, and he did.

Tyler Sims

Torrance Shipman: Do you know what this means? My entire cheerleading career has been a lie.
Missy: Well, look on the bright side - It's only cheerleading!
Torrance Shipman: I *am* only cheerleading.

I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some fuckin titties floppin around, yeah!

Jay

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