You run one time, you got yourself a set of chains. You run twice you got yourself two sets. You ain't gonna need no third set, 'cause you gonna get your mind right.

Captain, Road Prison 36

Sofía: What about you? What's your nickname?
David: Citizen Dildo.
Sofía: Hmm. You are not staying over.

Hoyt Ambrose: You want me to give you something funny to laugh about?
Bartleby Gaines: You mean funnier than your future alcohol abuse?

Muriel Dillon: How's my little boy? Getting along OK, sweetie?
Rocco Dillon: As well as a heterosexual can in prison. I don't know how much longer I can take it. How's Tanya?
Muriel Dillon: Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into.
Rocco Dillon: Ma, please. I'm gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up.

The exquisite art of the samurai sword? Don't make me laugh! You're so-called exquisite art is only fit for Japanese fatheads!

Pai Mei

I've just been informed that all your children are missing.

Rosalie Mullins

I forgot my address book. Have you seen it? It's denim... with a kitten on the front... says "hang tough"...

Mr. Furious

Annie Savoy: [narrating] I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

I don't suppose it would do me much good to cry for help, huh?

Ward Abbott

You're trying to defend your family, that's admirable. I'm trying to defend the nation from alien war.

Harold Attinger

[watching news report about the toxin] It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil that can be invented.

Alma Moore

Arthur Hutchins: 'Night, mommy.
Christine Collins: [yelling] Stop calling me that! I'm not your mother! I want my son back! Damn you!

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