He helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, he helped Daniel get out the lion's den, he helped Gilligan get off the island.

Rev. Brown

I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. Hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon madam.

Harry Hart

Little Girl: [looking at a Magic Eye poster] Wow. It's a schooner.
Willam Black: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.
Little Boy: A schooner IS a sailboat stupid head.
Willam Black: [becoming enraged] You know what. There is NO Easter Bunny. Over there, that's just a guy in a suit.

Brick Tamland: [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things. Won't be long now before they tear us to shreds.

Raoul Duke

[singing] I could while away the hours/conferrin' with the flowers/consultin' with the rain/And my head I'd be scratchin'/ While my thoughts were busy hatchin'/If I only had a brain.

Scarecrow

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

Rocky Balboa

[to Goldmember] There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

Nigel Powers

Wayne Campbell: I mean, there are two Darren Stevens, right? Dick York and Dick Sargeant. Yeah, right, as if we wouldn't notice. Oh hold on: Dick York, Dick Sergeant, Sergeant York... Wow, that's weird.

Michael Bolton: I don't know what happened, I must have missed a decimal point or something...
Peter Gibbons: Well, corporate accounts is sure as hell gonna notice $305,326.13 Michael!

I'm so scared right now. I'm just gonna to do what's sensible, I'm gonna file for unemployment. Then I'm gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they... *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.

Brennan Huff

Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do.

Peter Bretter

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