Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.

Frank Drebin

You know it's not easy being your friend.

Lee Christmas

Jason White: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
Lex Luthor: Cute kid. And smart too. But we're not really strangers are we?

Hey, hey, Winnaker, Winnaker, do you want me to get you a skirt? I'll get you a skirt if you keep playing like a girl!

Coach Don Haskins

Dan: You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram.
Larry: Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood! Go fuck yourself! You writer! You liar!

Finding someone you think would be fun to kill is a bit like, well it's a bit like falling in love. You meet a lot of candidates, and you like some of them, and they're nice. But they're not right. And that special one comes along, and your heart beats faster, and you know that's the one.

Mr. Earl Brooks

Jamie: I'm so late.
Jamie's Girlfriend: It's just round the corner, you'll make it.
Jamie: Are you sure you don't mind me going without you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: No, I'm just feeling so rotten.
Jamie: I love you.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know.
Jamie: I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know. Now go or you will actually miss it.
Jamie: Right. Did I tell you I love you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: Yes you did, get out, loser!

Concert Nerd #1: Aren't you those two guys from that TV show, Wayne's World?
Wayne: No.
Concert Nerd #2: Well, you guys sure look like them.
Garth: Look, if Wayne says we're not, we're not, okay?

Hoover: We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.
Boon: Every one? Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!

Graham Hess: [to God] Don't do this to me again. Not again. I hate you. I hate you! The fear is feeding him. Don't be afraid of what's happening. Believe it's going to pass. Believe it. Just wait. Don't be afraid. The air is coming. Believe. We don't have to be afraid. It's about to pass. Here it comes. Don't be afraid. Here comes the air. Don't be afraid, Morgan. Feel my chest. Breathe with me. Together. The air is going in our lungs. Together. We're the same. We're the same.
Merrill: We should save the flashlights.

Manny: Why is it called the "Gorge of Death"?
Buck: We tried calling it "The Big Smelly Crack" but people kept giggling.

As long as my brother talks this crazy Notre Dame shit, he deserves anything that comes his way!

Frank

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