Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

George: [answering the phone] Hello?
Annie: Dad!
George: Hi! Where are you?
Annie: At the airport. Our plane's about to take off, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. Thank Mom for everything ok? Dad, I love you. I love you very much.
George: I love you too, sweetheart. Thanks for calling. And have a great honeymoon.
Annie: Thanks. I will. Bye.

Jack Connors: Okay, I'll admit it, you know. I'm an anti-Semite. I crack Jew jokes, think they're dirty, greedy. And you know what? David Greene's the only one I've ever known up close.
McGoo: What's you're point, Connors?
Jack Connors: He's a good guy.

I can't believe George Simmons is dying. I grew up on his movies.

Leo

Simonides: Judah-Ben Hur! You've come back to us like a returning faith! Oh Judah, I should like to laugh again. Let us laugh!
Judah Ben-Hur: We will laugh.
Simonides: There will be joy again in this house! We will celebrate! Among the dust and cobwebs...
[Simonides sobs]

E.B.: Dad, I wanna drum in a band. I wanna see the world.
EB Dad: EB, the Easter bunny sees the world all in one night.
E.B.: oh, Really dad? What about China?
EB Dad: (Remembers being thrown out in China) Right, so we haven't cracked China yet.
E.B.: Don't wanna be the Easter bunny.
EB Dad: 4000 years of tradition doesn't end just because one selfish bunny doesn't feel like doing it!

Zoe Perez: Sir, if you're planning on pulling me off the Shaw case...
Defense Secretary Callister: [interrupts] Agent Perez, for the first time, you're being brought in the loop on this one.

Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!

Alex: [sitting near the burning house] It's almost beautiful.
Jimmy Smith Jr: When I was younger, I always wanted to live in a house like this, when it was used to be.

Demon: What an excellent day for an exorcism.
Father Damien Karras: You would like that?
Demon: Intensely.
Father Damien Karras: But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?
Demon: It would bring us together.
Father Damien Karras: You and Regan?
Demon: You and us.

[one of Alex's muffins is embedded in the door]
Bosley: What do you call this?
Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.
Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags.

Maxwell Smart: Oh gee, Maxie-man, I haven't heard that one before!
[pause]
Maxwell Smart: I never have heard that before, actually.

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