Love, passion, obsession, all those things you told me to wait for, well, they've arrived. What are you afraid of, Dad? That I'll fall head over heels for Joe? Well, I have.

Susan Parrish

Ya know, I believe it was our buddy Bill Shakespeare who said, "To err is human, but to forgive, well that's right on."

Reese Feldman

Ennis Del Mar: We can get together... once in a while, way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, but...
Jack Twist: Once in a while? Every four fuckin' years?
Ennis Del Mar: If you can't fix it, Jack, you gotta stand it.
Jack Twist: For how long?
Ennis Del Mar: For as long as we can ride it. There ain't no reins on this one.

Batman: You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Give me a break. I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." How childish can you get?

Becca, quit being a bitch!

Katie

It's crushing you, from the inside out.

Edward

Brody: What are you doing out there? These are your people - go and talk to them.
Hendricks: Those aren't my people. They're from all over the place. Did you see all the license plates out in the parking lot? Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Jersey... I'm all by myself out there.

Andrew Clark: You don't have any goals.
John Bender: Oh but I do.
Andrew Clark: Yeah?
John Bender: I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need, is a lobotomy and some tights.
Brian Johnson: You wear tights?
Andrew Clark: No I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.
Brian Johnson: Tights.
Andrew Clark: Shut up.

David: Why do you think your people made me?
Charlie Holloway: We made ya 'cause we could.
David: Can you imagine how disappointing it would be for you to hear the same thing from your creator?

Undercover Officer: You want your son to love you? Don't break the law!
Dennis: Hey! That's entrapment!
[gets pushed to the ground]
Dennis: And that's brutality!

Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?"

Holden

Lars Lindstrom: How was the game?
Gus: The cheese inspectors beat the crap out of us.

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