Why do I fix everything I touch!

Fix-It Felix

Guano bowls! Collect the whole set...


We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!


Earl McGraw: Who's the bride?
Edgar McGraw: Don't know. The name on the marriage certificate is "Arlene Machiavelli." That's a fake. We've all just been calling her "The Bride" on account of the dress.
Earl McGraw: You can tell she was pregnant. Man'd have to be a mad dog to shoot a goddamn good-looking gal like that in the head. Look at her. Hay-colored hair, big eyes. She's a little blood-spattered angel.

Vanessa Loring: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

Photographer: I got your picture man, I got your picture!
David Mills: Oh yeah? Detective Mills, M-I-L-L-S, fuck you!

Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.

Rick Barnes: You may not know me, but you do know Danny.
Frank Morrison: Oh, I know. He lies. He lies to just about everybody. But you know what?
Rick Barnes: What?
Frank Morrison: He doesn't lie to me.

Percy: [When Bard approaches Laketown in his ship] Halt! Goods inspection. Papers please!... Oh, it's you, Bard!
Bard the Bowman: Morning, Percy.
Percy: Anything to declare?
Bard the Bowman: Nothing. But I am cold and tired, and ready for home.
Percy: You and me both.

No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume.

Meg Swan

Carol Connelly: How are you?
Simon Bishop: Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts.
Carol Connelly: Why? What are you thinking about now?
Simon Bishop: How to die, mostly.
Carol Connelly: To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate.

...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?

Lt. Frank Drebin

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