Diskant: So we're just gonna go in there and kill him?
Tom Ludlow: No, I'm gonna ask him some questions... then we're gonna kill him.

All this time I thought I was more to you than a flaccid story.

Van Wilder

Well, I think Bill's got a point. If you look at the whole life of the planet, we... you know, man, has only been around for a few blinks of an eye. So if the infection wipes us all out, that is a return to normality.

Sergeant Farrell

Nora: So are you gunna ask me to dance?
Tyler Gage: I didn't know you could dance without your tights!

Neville Flynn: Hey, hey, we have to figure something out.
Rick: Alright, well I know what I've got to do. We're in a two-hundred foot aluminum tube and we're thirty thousand feet in the air, and any one of those slimy little pieces of shit can trip a circuit or a relay or a hydraulic and this bird goes down faster than a Thai hooker. So my job is to keep LAX informed on how totally screwed we are and then find some way to keep this mother in the sky another two hours. Figure that out.

[in letter to Tibby] I think we may have been very, very wrong about the pants. The one time I wore them I almost drowned...


Ennis Del Mar: What are ya doin'?
Jack Twist: Aguirre came by again. Said my uncle didn't die after all. Says bring 'em down.
Ennis Del Mar: Bring 'em down? Why? It's the middle of August.
Jack Twist: Says there's a storm moving in from the Pacific, worse than this one.
Ennis Del Mar: Well that snow barely stuck an hour. Huh? 'Sides, that son-of-a-bitch, he's cheatin' us outta a whole month's pay. That ain't right.
Jack Twist: I can spare ya a loan bud, if you're short on cash. Give it to ya when we get to Signal.
Ennis Del Mar: I don't need your money, huh, you know I ain't in the poorhouse. Shit!

Wayne: Our enemy is wicked, so...
J.D.: Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
Wayne: Damien.
J.D.: Dude, she's Vader.
Wayne: No! She's the Emperor.
J.D.: Yeah, but with really great tits.
Wayne: Ok, now Sandy, that girl, she's a real nice girl.
J.D.: Ah, yeah.
Wayne: She's a sweetheart.
J.D.: Dude, a saint.
Wayne: A goddess.
J.D.: A princess.
Wayne: No what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.

Miles Raymond: [while tasting wine] It tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus. Now they probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, and then wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine bullshit. Fuckin' Raid.
Jack: Tastes pretty good to me.

President Andrew Shepherd: Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
Sydney Ellen Wade: [feeling the bed] No, you explained it great.
President Andrew Shepherd: Are you nervous?
Sydney Ellen Wade: No.
President Andrew Shepherd: Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...
Sydney Ellen Wade: [seductively] The most powerful man in the world?
President Andrew Shepherd: Exactly, thank you.

Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?
Dante Hicks: "Empire".
Randal Graves: Blasphemy.
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

Mrs. Dashwood: Reduced to the condition of visitor in my own home. It is not to be borne Elinor.
Elinor Dashwood: But consider Mamma, we have nowhere to go.
Mrs. Dashwood: John and Fanny will be arriving from London at any moment. Do you expect me to be here to welcome them? Vultures.

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