Grim Reaper: I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.
Bill: Sorry, death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!
Grim Reaper: I said Plum!
Ted: No way! You said Mustard! Can we go back now?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best three out of five!
Ted: I don't believe this guy!

Judy Witwicky: Look at this place! I feel smarter already! Can you smell that?
Ron Witwicky: Yeah, it's the smell of $40,000 a year.

Louise Sawyer: Decaf or regular?
Girl in diner: Uh, regular, please.
Louise Sawyer: You girls are kinda young to be smokin', dontcha think? Ruins your sex drive.

[after being shot] I think I'm okay. Really. I think it just went in and out. I... It doesn't even hurt anymore.

Malcolm Crowe

Phil: There is a major network interested in me.
Larry: That would be the Home Shopping Network.

Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!

Ned Nederlander

John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!

David Marshall

[After seeing Mystique shape shift]
Professor Charles Xavier: How's that for a magic trick?
Man in Black Suit: Best I've ever seen.

What do you think I was doing the whole time you were out there man? I told you Dignan got fired, out on his ass. But you didn't think about that, did you. In the end it's easier to think about yourself than it is to think about Dignan.

Dignan

Tyler Durden: We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator: Martha Stewart.
Tyler Durden: Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So fuck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns.

There are a lot of things I can take, and some things I can't. But what I can't take is when my older brother, who's everything that I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.

Merrill

Anna Riley: I read your sarin gas report. It was very powerful.
Rachel Rose: Thanks, I really earned my stripes with that piece.
Rabbi Jake Schram: I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting.

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