Kay Adams: Please, Michael. Tell me.
Michael: ...Well when Johnny was first starting out, he was signed to this contract with a big-band leader. And as his career got better and better he wanted to get out of it. Now, Johnny is my father's godson. My father went to see the bandleader, with a contract for $10,000 to let Johnny go, but the bandleader said no. So the next day, my father went to see the bandleader again, only this time with Luca Brasi. Within an hour, the bandleader signed the release, with a certified check of $1000.
Kay Adams: How did he do that?
Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Kay Adams: What was it?
Michael: My father held a gun to his head, and my father assured the bandleader, that either his signature or his brains would be on the contract.
Kay Adams: ...
Michael: ...That's a true story. [pause] That's my family Kay, it's not me.

Tuna: I can't believe we're stealin' a plane...
Kevin Dulli: Don't be such a pussy.

[turning to Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock after a zombie] What do you think? "Zombie Killer of the Week"?

Tallahassee

Billy Madison: Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.
[Notices gold swan on edge of tub]
Billy Madison: Stop looking at me, swa

Judy: I love somebody. All the time I've been... I've been looking for someone to love me. And now I love somebody. And it's so easy. Why is it easy now?
Jim Stark: I don't know; it is for me, too.
Judy: I love you, Jim. I really mean it.
Jim Stark: Well, I'm glad.

Mitch: Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi: Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?

Ed McDonnough: We finally go out with decent people and you break his nose. That ain't too funny, Hi.
H.I.: His kids seemed to think it was funny.
Ed McDonnough: Well they're just kids.

Billy: We did it, man. We did it, we did it. We're rich, man. We're retirin' in Florida now, mister.
Captain America: You know Billy, we blew it.

Andrew Paxton: [about Margaret] Actually I picked up on all her little hints. This woman is about as subtle as a gun.
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Great Scott!

Dr. Emmett Brown

Josh: Will you please leave? I got a deadline to meet. God.
Billy: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Josh: HEY!
Billy: You're Josh Baskin, remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in MY basement when Robert Dyson was about to rip your head off!
Josh: You don't get it, do you? This is important!
Billy: I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh?
[Turns to leave]
Billy: And I'm three months older than you are, ASSHOLE!

Pitka: How do you do? Shrimp?
Coach Cherkov: What did you call me?
Pitka: I'm sorry I didn't catch your gnome. NAME! You are a midget.

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