[Asking the flight attendant] Could I get a real bottle please? I'm an alcoholic not a Barbie doll.

Maggie Hoffman

Do you even know how to drive an automatic?

Dave the Bear

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Indiana: Give me the whip.
Satipo: Throw me the idol. No time to argue. Throw me idol, I throw you the whip.
Indiana: [throws the idol] Give me the whip.
Satipo: Adiós, señor.

Hasta lasagna, don't get any on ya.

Jack Harmen

Narrator: He was *the* guerilla terrorist in the food service industry.
Tyler Durden: [urinating] Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch.
Narrator: Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well...
Tyler Durden: [laughs] Go ahead. Tell 'em.
Narrator: ...you get the idea.

Sergeant: Hello Nicholas.
Nicholas Angel: Hello Sergeant.
Sergeant: How's the hand?
Nicholas Angel: Still a bit stiff.
Sergeant: It can get awfully hairy out there. I'm surprised you weren't snapped up sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I'd do.
Nicholas Angel: I'm afraid I think my office is out on the street.
Sergeant: Indeed you do! Your arrest record is four hundred percent higher than any other officer, which is why it's high time that such... skills... were put to better use. We're making you sergeant.
Nicholas Angel: I see.
Sergeant: [mumbles]
Nicholas Angel: In where, sorry?
Sergeant: In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
Nicholas Angel: But that's in the country...
Sergeant: Yes! Lovely!
Nicholas Angel: Isn't there a sergeant's position here in London?
Sergeant: Oh, no.
Nicholas Angel: Can I remain here as a PC?
Sergeant: No.
Nicholas Angel: Do I have any choice in this?
Sergeant: No!
Nicholas Angel: Sergeant, I kinda like it here.
Sergeant: Well, you've always wanted a transfer to the country.
Nicholas Angel: In twenty years or so, yes.
Sergeant: Well done you.

Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.

Corky St. Clair

Bertier: Honesty? You want honesty? Honestly, I think you're nothing. Nothing but a pure waste of God-given talent. You don't listen to nobody man. Not even Doc or Boone. Shiver push on the line every time and you blow right past 'em. Push 'em, pull 'em. do something. You can't run over everyone in this league and every time you do you leave one of your teammates hanging out to dry, me in particular?
Big Ju: Why should I give a hoot about you? Huh? Or anyone else out there? You wanna talk about the ways you the captain?
Bertier: Right.

Houston, you have a problem. You see, I promised my little girl that I was coming home. Now I don't know WHAT you people are doing down there, but we've got a hole to dig up here!

Harry Stamper

Sidney Prescott: How do you gut someone?
Stu: You take a knife and you slit 'em from groin to sternum.
Billy: Hey. It's called tact, you fuck-rag.

I arrested a man-lady who was legally named Phuck.

Officer Slater

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