[voice over narration] Of course I had to keep all of this a secret from my Dad. He would had a fit because Kit was ten years older than me and came from the wrong side of the tracks so called.

Holly Sargis

Bishop: Why don't you come on down to our new Lutheran center?
Danny Noonan: I've often thought about becoming a priest.
Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?
[Danny nods]
Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.

Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties.
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you. We don't need nuthin'. We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?

Gossie McKee: What's Ray doin' up there?
Marlene: Auditionin' for you Gossie.
Gossie McKee: He ain't no good without me.
Marlene: How'd you and the 'Bama like to do a week here at the Chair. I know a good bass player. Nice jazz trio can score big. With the right manager.

Ava Gardner: You listened to my phone calls?
Howard Hughes: No! No! No! Honey I would never do that! I'd never do that! I... I just read the transcripts, that's all.

[to her Nurse] I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play.

Viola De Lesseps

Toni Mannix: Just made it.
George Reeves: I beg your pardon?
Toni Mannix: Into the picture.
George Reeves: [smirking] Was someone taking a picture? I hadn't noticed.

Michael: I was never in a fraternity. I was much too serious.
Kim: Oh, I bet you were 29 even when you were 19.
Michael: Put it this way. If i had to do it again, I'd do it knowing that after you graduate no one ever gives a fuck what your GPA was.

Gru: Your dog has been leaving bombs in my yard.
Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want!
Gru: Not if they're dead.

Jack Sparrow: "The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow." It has such a lovely ring to it...
[Will stares at him]
Jack Sparrow: ...and it's not a bad look, really...

Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!

Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.

Larry Zoolander

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