Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk.
Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Janey: Ok, bye, daddy.
[Kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.

Stanley Goodspeed: Hi, I'm an agent with the federal... FBI... Well, my... I'm Stanley Goodspeed!
John Mason: But of course you are.
Agent Paxton: Well, at least he got his name right.
Stanley Goodspeed: Of course I am.

Johnny Rico: These are the rules. Everybody fights, nobody quits. If you don't do your job I'll kill you myself. Welcome to the Roughnecks
Private Sugar Watkins: Rico's Roughnecks

Put your tongue back in your mouth.

Mr. Walters

He's going to make a scene. The Volturi will kill him if he reveals himself in the sunlight.

Alice

Heywood: You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Willie Mays Hayes: Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this. [shows Heywood his black gloves] I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood: My ass.

Shmi Skywalker: Can you help him?
Qui-Gon Jinn: I don't know. I didn't actually come here to free slaves.

Come back here, so that I may brain thee!

Chip Douglas

Tabloid Reading Customer: I'm going to break your fucking head! You fucking jerk-off!
Dante Hicks: Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean it! He meant to hit me.
Tabloid Reading Customer: Well, he missed!
Dante Hicks: I know. I'm sorry. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even.
Tabloid Reading Customer: I'll never come in here again.

Buzz Gunderson: You ever been in a chickie-run?
Jim Stark: Yeah, that's all I ever do.
[Buzz leaves]
Jim Stark: Plato, what's a chickie-run?

Brandi: Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
Gil Hicks: Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.
Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.

Father Flynn: You haven't the slightest proof of anything!
Sister Aloysius: But I have my certainty.

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