Larry: I'm Larry, the doctor.
Anna: Hello, doctor Larry.
Larry: Feel free to call me The Sultan.
Ed: Big Al says so.
Shaun: Yeah, but Big Al says dogs can't look up!
Mr. Gibbs: Then, on the fourth day, he roped himself a couple of sea turtles, lashed 'em together and made a raft.
Will Turner: He roped a couple of sea turtles.
Mr. Gibbs: Aye. Sea turtles.
Will Turner: What did he use for rope?
Jack Sparrow: [from beside them] Human hair.
Jack Sparrow: From my back.
It's Brock sir, Edward Brock Jr. I'm here humbled and humiliated to ask you for one thing... I want you to kill Peter ParkerEddie Brock
Oh. You saw a video on the Internet? Well, then the case is closed.George Stacy
That's how they get you. They're under the goddamn ground!Valentine McKee
Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X" - next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy!
Neil Patrick Harris: It's a fucking sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poontang, THEN we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too. Furburgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers.
Neil Patrick Harris: Lapdance...
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonaa see if I can get some directions.
Neil Patrick Harris: You don't need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Neil Patrick Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry...
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
Hud: Do you guys remember a couple of years ago when that guy was lighting homeless people on fire in the subways?
Rob Hawkins: Jesus, Hud! Maybe not the best time for this conversation down here!
[awkward silent pause]
Hud: I just can't stop thinking how scary it'd be if a flaming homeless guy came running...
Rob Hawkins, Lily Ford, Marlena Diamond: HUD!
Hud: I'm just saying. Sorry.
Macaulay Connor: What's this? Is it my book?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes.
Macaulay Connor: C. K. Dexter Haven you have unsuspected depth!
C. K. Dexter Haven: Thanks, old chap.
Macaulay Connor: But have you read it?
C. K. Dexter Haven: When I was trying to stop drinking, I read anything.
Macaulay Connor: And did you stop drinking?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Yes. Your book didn't do it though.
When I saw you, I believed it was a sign -- that something new could come into this world.Tars Tarkas
I'm happy for you, kid. But if you think you can hurt me again, you're wrong. I left my heart in my other pants.Topper Harley
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With THIS, you don't know how to kill the bunny? Do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just, like, fucking with me?
Trent: No, I'm not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.