Yearbook Girl: So why didn't you get your picture taken?
Denise: Specifically to avoid moments like this.
Yearbook Girl: [not listening] Great, thanks!

This is the stupidest group of people I've ever worked with who are not legally retarded.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle


Captain Steven Hiller: Oh! Oh! Elvis has left the building!
David Levinson: Oh, thank you very much. Oh, I love you man!

I just got a shipment of Pineapple Express, the dopest dope I've ever smoked. Smellll it. It's like... God's vagina.

Saul

Todd: You were basically the worst parent ever!
Donny: I was awesome!
Todd: You let me eat cake and lollipops for breakfast every day!
Donny: That's what you asked for!
Todd: You're supposed to say no!

To those who much is given, much is lost.

Phaedra

Frank: Ara again? You gonna get an autographed picture and kiss it every night before you go to bed?
Rudy: What is your problem?
Frank: Or maybe he'll give you permission to wipe his ass.

Harry Burns: Repeat after me. Pepper.
Sally Albright: Pepper.
Harry Burns: Pepper.
Sally Albright: Pepper.
Harry Burns: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
Sally Albright: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
Harry Burns: But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.

Nicky: I cannot believe you lied to me.
Jess: You can't believe I lied?
Nicky: I can't believe it.
Jess: Oh, that's so rich from you.
Nicky: That's what you want to say to me?
Jess: Yeah, cause you're always lying, Nicky, and now we're dead.

Imagine if you suddenly learned that the people, the places, the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse, had never been. What kind of hell would that be?

Dr. Rosen

You've hurt my people!

Chappie

Marty DiBergi: David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name.
David St. Hubbins: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint.
Marty DiBergi: Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a Saint Hubbins?
David St. Hubbins: That's right, yes.
Marty DiBergi: What was he the saint of?
David St. Hubbins: He was the patron saint of quality footwear.

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