Maddy Bowen: The world is falling apart and all we hear about is blowjob-gate.
Danny Archer: When was the last time the world wasn't falling apart, huh?

They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!

Hoover

Caroline: I found Jesus!
Norah: What?
Caroline: Jesus!
Caroline: He's much taller in person...

What's the matter, Danny? Never taken a shortcut before?
[proceeds to leap over a series of backyard fences]

Nicholas Angel

Frank Costello: Good day, father.
Older Priest: Good day, Francis.
Frank Costello: You recall our chat? Little boys. Sucking on their peckers, etc... and so forth. I am as God made me. Is that your rationale? May I remind you - in this archdiocese, God don't run the bingo.
Young Priest: May I remind you - that pride comes before the fall.
Frank Costello: How's Sister Mary Teresa doing? Had a tasty relationship before she took her vows.
[Costello hands the priests a nude drawing of the nun]
Frank Costello: Enjoy your clams, cocksuckers.

President Thomas Whitmore: Atlanta, Chicago, Philadelphia, destroyed.
Gen. Gray: We have also learned that NORAD and our top commandos were the first to be taken out. At this rate, we could be looking at the worldwide destruction of every major city in the next 36 hours.
President Thomas Whitmore: Then we're being exterminated.

Woman: [voiceover] How do you want me?
Man: Oh, that's good. Yeah. Just, uh... just get comfortable.
Woman: I'm a little nervous.
Man: Nah, you're doing great.

Grandma says hi. She says she's sorry for taking the bumblebee pendant. She just likes it a lot.

Cole Sear

BLAH-BA DE-BLOOM-BLAH BLOOM BLAH BA-DE BLOOM-BLAH! I ain't hear a word you said; HIP-A-DE-HOOPLAAAH!

Jimmy Smith Jr

John Carter: I am John Carter from Virginia.
Tars Tarkas: Virginia!
John Carter: No! John Carter from Virginia!

Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.

Metatron

Dan: Don't you know anything about your father?
Violet: Yeah.
Dan: What?
Violet: I do. I know what mom says.
Dan: What does mom say?
Violet: She says you're a pathetic loser.
Dan: She says that affectionately.

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