Tyler Durden: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
Narrator: What? In the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need to find a baby for this father.
Steve Zissou: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Not you, fat Jesus.

Officer Franklin

Mark Steckle: ...You're being groomed...
Carter Duryea: I'm being groomed! Mark, thank you, thank you. I'm going to kick so much ass for you, I'm going to take no prisoners, I'm going to be your ninja assassin!

Col. Hans Landa: Now if one were to determine what attribute the German people share with a beast, it would be the cunning and the predatory instinct of a hawk. But if one were to determine what attributes the Jews share with a beast, it would be that of the rat. If a rat were to walk in here right now as I'm talking, would you treat it to a saucer of your delicious milk?
Perrier LaPadite: Probably not.
Col. Hans Landa: I didn't think so. You don't like them. You don't really know why you don't like them. All you know is you find them repulsive. Consequently, a German soldier conducts a search of a house suspected of hiding Jews. Where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar, he looks everywhere *he* would hide, but there's so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.

Matrix: [holds the hotel key he stole from Sully that Cooke is staying at] Because I already know. Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That's right, Matrix! You did!
Matrix: I lied.

  • Permalink: I lied.
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This isn't The Graduate, this is Deliverance!


You take it from here, Slugger.


Kurt: "He looks like James Bond!"
Dale: "He really does, dude! I bet he carries one of those guns that you screw together...like the coolest guns they make, man!"
Nick: "This is so dangerous - what if that's an undercover cop? Or better yet, what if it's the real thing and he charges so much money, we can't afford it, he gets pissed off and kills us!"
Dale: "That's not gonna...he kills one of us?! Hold on - could that happen?"
(Not a Hitman knocks)
Nick: "Gotta let him in now."
Kurt: "How's my hair?"
Nick: "What do you mean, how's my hair?!"
Kurt: "It doesn't matter...okay, let's do this."

The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki... you're fired.

President Thomas Whitmore

Mike Erganian: What is the subject of your book? Non fiction?
Miles Raymond: Uh, no. It's... it's a novel. Fiction. Yes. Although there is quite a bit from my own life... so I suppose that, technically some of it is nonfiction.
Mike Erganian: Good I like non fiction. There is so much to know about this world. I think you read something somebody just invented, waste of time.
Miles Raymond: That's an interesting perspective.

Your eggs are dying. Would it kill you to go on a date?

Charlotte Phelan

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